The cool fall air brushes chill against his cheeks, Adelis speaking brusque and impatient. He knows, though, that Adelis does not bundle up for fear of cold, which stays overlong in Ostoya, but out of a revulsion toward himself that mirrors Mishka's own. Is disgust, in itself, not a prayer that asks don't let this happen to me, don't let this be me?
An Ostoyan could grow jaded but disgust begins always anew, and dredges up fear. They could be like him one day, if they are so much as unlucky.
Still. )
... I see.
( He doesn't want to be justified in his misery, and he doesn't need Adelis to know his shame. He just wanted to know if Adelis would recoil if he touched him again.
He exhales, breathing easier. )
... There are few things in my life that I've chosen to do, to the full extent of my freedom.
( Many things he'd been forced to do to survive, like most Ostoyans. Taking on his curse like a parasite; the great many deaths he'd caused in the church; joining the Syndicate...
He steps closer. )
Finding you was one, and... releasing my curse so that you might escape was another.
( Another step, gradually closing the distance. )
And knowing how it all turned out, and may turn out again, I... would do it again, I think, for you.
( Standing before him, finally, he reaches out, and fluffs his hair. )
no subject
The cool fall air brushes chill against his cheeks, Adelis speaking brusque and impatient. He knows, though, that Adelis does not bundle up for fear of cold, which stays overlong in Ostoya, but out of a revulsion toward himself that mirrors Mishka's own. Is disgust, in itself, not a prayer that asks don't let this happen to me, don't let this be me?
An Ostoyan could grow jaded but disgust begins always anew, and dredges up fear. They could be like him one day, if they are so much as unlucky.
Still. )
... I see.
( He doesn't want to be justified in his misery, and he doesn't need Adelis to know his shame. He just wanted to know if Adelis would recoil if he touched him again.
He exhales, breathing easier. )
... There are few things in my life that I've chosen to do, to the full extent of my freedom.
( Many things he'd been forced to do to survive, like most Ostoyans. Taking on his curse like a parasite; the great many deaths he'd caused in the church; joining the Syndicate...
He steps closer. )
Finding you was one, and... releasing my curse so that you might escape was another.
( Another step, gradually closing the distance. )
And knowing how it all turned out, and may turn out again, I... would do it again, I think, for you.
( Standing before him, finally, he reaches out, and fluffs his hair. )
... I'm glad you made it out safe, Adelis.