It's still such a new predicament to be in - to have autonomy, to have the ability TO try, instead of being a tool and nothing else. To pry himself from the mindset of usefulness and the anxieties it brings takes more effort than he'd like.
But he already put his all into whatever he did. He already knows his team gets after him for this over and over again, encouraging and bullying and chastising over the simple fact that he could do many, many things if he tried, and that he was the one determining that his worth stopped at his utility.
He wanted praise, so he tried. He didn't want to let down his master, so he tried. He wanted to avoud becoming a liability for his team and cause more injury, so he tried.
He... can keep trying. He's tried for much worse, much grander, much more dangerous -- but not much more intimidating than a single girl's heart.]
No... no, you're right, Ori. I...
I'm not good at very much. But I get so caught up in that, in trying to make up for it... I forget what should be right in front of me. I... miss my chances.
[It's said with the cadence of a man who has had this talk before, the undercurrent of some shame that it is, apparently, still a problem. But 500-year-old habits die hard.
His hand rubs at his neck idly, looking towards Ori's empathetic gaze, before dropping his own eyes to the ground.]
Heh... my teammates would probably tease me for months if they knew about this.
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It's still such a new predicament to be in - to have autonomy, to have the ability TO try, instead of being a tool and nothing else. To pry himself from the mindset of usefulness and the anxieties it brings takes more effort than he'd like.
But he already put his all into whatever he did. He already knows his team gets after him for this over and over again, encouraging and bullying and chastising over the simple fact that he could do many, many things if he tried, and that he was the one determining that his worth stopped at his utility.
He wanted praise, so he tried. He didn't want to let down his master, so he tried. He wanted to avoud becoming a liability for his team and cause more injury, so he tried.
He... can keep trying. He's tried for much worse, much grander, much more dangerous -- but not much more intimidating than a single girl's heart.]
No... no, you're right, Ori. I...
I'm not good at very much. But I get so caught up in that, in trying to make up for it... I forget what should be right in front of me. I... miss my chances.
[It's said with the cadence of a man who has had this talk before, the undercurrent of some shame that it is, apparently, still a problem. But 500-year-old habits die hard.
His hand rubs at his neck idly, looking towards Ori's empathetic gaze, before dropping his own eyes to the ground.]
Heh... my teammates would probably tease me for months if they knew about this.