crescentview | | that's the price you pay

[In this, Syrlya lets the words hand in the silence. Let's Adelis think it over. To call him a friend if an easy thing for Syrlya, even if he didn't expect he was going to say it to Adelis himself so soon.

But then, maybe he needed to beat it before after all.]

I do trust you. And I understand the danger this poses if it goes too far.

[He smiles, confident.] And you can trust in my ability to get out of your grasp of necessary, if you aren't quite ready to trust your own self control.

Edited 2023-02-10 10:03 (UTC)

[ ...It's not as if he has not had to compromise before. To, if needed, occasionally sup from the others if but to stave it off, although he attempted to make the occurrences few and far between. And then there was Mishka, the once-

But once was enough, considering their circumstances.

He is not a fool. He knows he cannot go forever, but after spending so long down in the dark, resisting out of pure spite, hanging by the very skin of his teeth makes him hesitate. Like if he gives in once, it will be the end for him. But he is not down there, there is control in his bones, and Syrlya is not on the verge of death.

The other's grip on him is cool, but it feels vaguely warm and familiar. ]

...I still think you're an idiot. [ In his usual fashion. ] But...I am in no position to refuse, disgusting as it is to admit.

[ How he wishes he was. ]

I will not sate myself fully, however. The urge will return quick enough, regardless.

[Perhaps he is. A foolish heart that bleeds too easily for the people around him. Who else do you get to throw life and future away, to sell themselves to destiny?]

Of course. [He understands the fear of losing precarious control. But just enough that Adelis may sit up a little straighter, think a little clearer, ease a little of the ache his starvation has left him with.

Syrlya shifts up a little, releasing Adelis' hands so that he can reach his own to gently cradle his face. A grip Adelis could push away easy, but hopes he doesn't as he leans in.

... To press his lips to Adelis', the approach slow enough he can assure Adelis is ready before the kiss finds firm placement between soft lips.

And though there is a smile of reassurance, his emotions are occupied with worry, with pain (thanks hangover), with a sympathetic grief.]

[ He wonders when he started trusting Syrlya so much. It took the party ages, the joint experience of their suffering and clash of their personalities, to settle into the form of comfortable they are now- he has had experienced anything close with the other man, and yet the fact he would offer himself without hesitation, call him a friend, trust him....

It. Well, he does not quite know how to describe it, and perhaps it is better if he doesn't right now.

The touch is soft, as it usually tends to be. Adelis doesn't push him away, a glimmer of hesitation flickering in the blue of his sunken eyes, but he swallows it down like he does most things. The slow approach, if anything, gives him a few moments to brace himself before the other's lips touch his.

Adelis does not need to breathe, but when he takes a low breath, the faint taste on his tongue nearly makes him shiver.

Syrlya is alive and well, his emotions not thudding hard against his skull like a wardrum, but the negative- the worry, the grief, the pain- are still heavenly. The sensation of his stomach being empty, starvation and hunger clawing at the walls of his skull and wearing him down ever so slowly, slowly ebbs with the static swirl of the other man's sentiment coiling in his mouth and brushing his tongue. There's a painful urge to clutch tighter and not let go, fill up, faster, till the void is nigh sated, but he keeps his hands to himself to force himself to not. The hunger creaks and protests against his ribs.

It will feel like akin to a slow drain, like when one bleeds, albeit it isn't painful- on it's own, anyway. But Syrlya will find what he's feeling gets more intense, Adelis resisting the urge to press himself closer. ]

[He closes his eyes as they meet, rather than trying to focus through blurry vision.

The spike in intensity of his own feelings surprises him. The drain, he expects. The feel of Adelis' lips, he knows. But he doesn't expect the increase of worry, of his headache being more agonizing. But maybe it makes sense, drawing his lifeforce out of him in such a way. Bringing it to the surface.

His feelings shift just a little as more of them mix in: curiosity, consideration, that mellow out an undercurrent of excitement. He, similarly, holds himself back from pressing any closer. And he does not make any move to pull back either.

He wants to give Adelis the chance, first, to draw the line. And if he struggles, then Syrlya will be ready to catch him.]

[ It is hard, he realizes, far more than expected. It has been so long, wrapped up in the dark and kept on the brink, and whilst he fed a bit after being released (the others, at least were understanding enough of his predicament), it still felt like ages. There is a cold fear in his bones of overindulging exactly as he was designed, which is why he stays his hand, despite how difficult it is. It's a compulsion, like finding an oasis in the desert.

Adelis is not expecting the shift of emotions, if anything, too busy drinking down the negative- and then there's the excitement. The one emotion he probably did not expect to glide past his tongue, and he actually freezes for a brief moment.

Perhaps it's that that snaps him out of it, despite the creaking desperation in his bones to keep going. If he overdoes it, he'll get too used to it- so he pulls away, blinking his bleary, black-rimmed eyes for a few moments as he stares at Syrlya's face.

Then quickly looks away, idly pressing his free hand to his mouth. Hm. ]

...That's...good enough. I'm fine.

[ Perhaps it's best if he doesn't address that right now. ]

[Syrlya similarly pulls back the minute Adelis does, having been attentive for the sign. His hands drop to the table, fingers curling as he blinks rapidly to ward off the haze caused by his emotions being dredged up so strongly.

The smile he offers, soft and reassuring, doesn't belie anything else. Because he has no idea Adelis was getting a literal empathy connection.]

I'm glad. [Ah, he clears his throat.] I apologize for interrupting, I just... I wanted to be sure you are all right. This must be a lot.

| that's the price you pay

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