御手杵 - O T E G I N E (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
passthrough) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
crescentview2023-02-02 03:54 am
passthrough) wrote in crescentview2023-02-02 03:54 am
🌸FALL CATCHALL🌸
🌸WHO: Otegine and many others
🌸WHAT: Closed prompts for Autumn including the date auction cruise
🌸WHEN: From Fall 1 through the end of the month
🌸WHERE: Various
🌸WARNINGS: some NSFW (labelled)
Hit up plotting or my contacts if you would like a closed starter! Open prompts including most bonus effects will be on the event posts!
🌸WHAT: Closed prompts for Autumn including the date auction cruise
🌸WHEN: From Fall 1 through the end of the month
🌸WHERE: Various
🌸WARNINGS: some NSFW (labelled)
Hit up plotting or my contacts if you would like a closed starter! Open prompts including most bonus effects will be on the event posts!
no subject
[Then what? Syrlya had voiced his understanding, his forgiveness, his trust. It's not like he would throw Otegine out to the wolves. They were friends.
...
His sigh of resignation is irritated, frustrated, a little childish.]
I don't know what else to do. For anybody. It's what I'm made to do, to want to be a useful part of other people's lives, but I...
[He swallows, burying his face into the curve of his neck.]
I... feel like I'm going to crack in half, Owen.
no subject
But it’s the entire reason Otegine exists, to be useful to the humans that hold him. That mindset has had centuries to define him, and you can’t change a lifetime in only a matter of months.]
You won’t be useful to anyone if you can’t do anything.
[Which he feels is obvious, but it still needs to be said.]
You have limits, now. You’re flesh and bone and flesh and bone gets tired, weary. You have a heart that can only endure so much.
[Hums.]
To be as useful as you can be, you have to pick your battles.
no subject
Ugh. He knows Owen is right, though. He knows why the saniwa did this, but this human body still sucks so much.]
Doesn't help that I went and lost my mind for a day... I can't stand how I feel around everyone now. I made myself look like an idiot and I hurt a lot of people... what kind of a weapon goes and does that?
[And he had to see Owen have a disgustingly good time. Good content, but his self esteem sure still hurts a little if he looks at it too hard.
Mmmgh. He grumbles a bit, voice muffled against Owen's shirt.]
Get kind of tired of being told I'm a good person. 'M not a person. Nobody gets that.
no subject
Weapons are made to hurt, aren’t they?
[He can understand being upset or frustrated over not acting like yourself - can’t really relate on being upset over hurting other people, really, he usually enjoys doing that - but it does seem like silly logic to Owen. A very inhuman viewpoint, but sharp steel hurts even if it cut is clean.
Anyways.]
Don’t take humans projecting on you to heart. They tend to do that because it’s easier then understanding something they can’t comprehend, and trying to convince them is just wasting your breath.
[Which. His attempts at convincing Otegine he was a bad person ended up being a waste, so he thinks that just proves his point? Somehow?]
“Good” is a word who’s definition changes depending on who’s in charge, anyways. It’s basically meaningless if people can’t agree on what makes someone “good” or not.
[Could he be less cynical? Probably, but he’s old and he’s tired.]
no subject
As far as it all being meaningless...]
I mean, maybe... I don't think that poorly of everybody around here, though. I can guess what they're trying to say. Uh. Sometimes. Kind of like when I tell you I don't think you're as bad as you insist. Just... not to me, anyway.
I don't mind it all the time, but... it gets easier to not bother talking about a lot of things when you know no one will really get it. And then you just... never talk.
[And you end up lonely and overwhelmed and feeling very silly about yourself in a field of birds.
There's a beat of silence, a sheepish press of his lips against Owen's neck.]
...I'm sorry, if I've ever made you feel this way. This... it's frustrating.
no subject
[Don’t worry, there won’t be any exorcisms. Bad vibes are welcome here.]
People like you, even if they don’t get you. Could be worse.
[A lot worse.]
Shouldn’t let them not getting you keep you from talking, though, otherwise you’re just going to end up feeling miserable and shabby all over again.
[Otegine’s not like him, not like this. He wants to be loved and treasured and to be useful and reliable. Loneliness doesn’t suit him, and he deserves to be adored and revered. Shutting himself up just because a mortal can’t see eye to eye with him won’t do him any good.
Plus, Owen thinks, he might be able to get through to some of them eventually.]
…It hasn’t been quite the same, but there are still things I’m not sure you really understand just yet.
[Promises, for one thing. Nobody here really gets that, least of all the Goddess if she’s still expecting him to get married. There other, smaller, more inconsequential things… but their deadline is approaching.]
1/2 just for icons its fine
He sighs hard, a slow attempt to right himself with a slide of his legs. No more of this, he's getting cramped... but the touch is still nice, and Owen is still here, and maybe he wants to feel selfish a little longer.]
...Yeah. I... get scared, I guess. I don't want to give people more reasons to leave me behind.
...
I'm not that shabby, am I?
/2
He quietly nods his acknowledgement, straightening himself up so he can look over Owen properly.]
...Mn. There's a lot you've been through.
I'd... never felt cruelty, before that night out on the island. I wish I could make the feeling go away, but... at the same time, I'm relieved. That I had some way to understand something about you.
I don't know how old you are. I don't know how it feels to be as powerful as you. I don't know how your conscription feels, or your curse, or your magic. Or... why a promise is so important.
But... I want to try. Maybe, someday, even if I don't always get it... I want to say I did my best for you.
[With a promise like marriage being the only way off this island, Otegine already felt this whole motive of the goddess was impossible enough for him... but...
...
What about Owen?
...]
Would you tell me about promises, Owen?
no subject
[Otegine moving gives Owen the space to shift, stretching his legs out in front of him and leaning back against his hands. He kicks him a bit with his feet, but Otegine is just going to have to deal with that for the next few centuries.
He considers him for a long, long moment. Some of the things Otegine doesn't know are things Owen doesn't know himself - he doesn't know his own age. Didn't even know his own day of birth until he started living at the manor with the rest of the Sage's wizards. He doesn't know why he's been afflicted with a different self, and he doesn't know how he could explain his magic to anyone else and he's never met anyone who's magic has worked quite the same. It's simply what he's found worked for him.
Those are things he doesn't know, so he can't expect Otegine to know.
Promises, though...]
Wizards cast magic with their heart, so that means a wizard's heart is the source of their power. Betraying their heart... will leave the wizard powerless. Making a promise from the depths of your heart ties your fate to that promise. If you break it, if you believe you've failed to uphold that vow you've made, you'll lose all of your magic. You'll be left with nothing.
[A beat, to let that sink in.]
It's a death sentence.
no subject
When Owen continues, Otegine listens, eyes slowly widening as the touch against Owen stills, a warm press to ground him, a sign he's paying attention.
Part of it rings a little familiar - Owen had asked him as much when confronting him during his own promise, as brief as it was. But to hear it fleshed out, definite and permanent...
...
Several questions run through his mind. He picks the one that's the easiest to voice.]
W-wait, but...
Your heart's gone missing, right? How are you...
[...
Right. He didn't say as much, did he? He cuts himself off with an apologetic look.]
I... felt it, at the resort. You had it once, and then-- you didn't. But you still had your magic...
no subject
[What is Otegine even - ah. Right.
Owen huffs and rolls his eyes, shaking his head.]
Well, it’s true I don’t have mine anymore. It’s hidden away somewhere back home, but I’m not being literal about this.
[He picks at the grass, mulling over how else to phrase things.]
It’s like… your soul. The core of your being that makes you who you are beyond your flesh and your bones. You feel the pain in your chest when your emotions overwhelm you, right? That’s the “heart” I mean.
[Though. Huh. He hopes nobody’s gone snooping for his heart while he’s here… That could be bad. Does time pass while they’re here? He’s never actually thought about it before now…
Hm. That’s something for him to worry about later.]
no subject
[That heart. The sense of existence that always felt so colorful and complicated.]
That's why you got after me so fast, then... back during the storm. [No matter how he may have meant it, then or now, he wonders if Owen thought the whole act was belittling and tonedeaf.
Maybe it was.
...
More importantly, it does bring their deadline into a disturbing light.]
...
Is it all promises? No matter what kind?
no subject
[There are a lot promises you can make, if you think about it. A lot of pledges and vows a person can take, but what counts as a promise?
Owen’s not sure of the answer. Snow and White would probably know, but he had never had a reason to demand they share their knowledge. It had never been relevant to him before.]
So I don’t know. Marriage counts, but some wizards still get married. Some are confident they can uphold those vows, but then they fail and lose their magic. Some end up widowed but they believe they upheld their promise to their beloved.
[He shrugs, frustrated. It’s complicated and inconsistent; hearts and spirits are both fickle things, after all.]
There’s no real answer.
no subject
But...
She won't let any of us leave without that.
[Not a chiding, but a somber realization.
Owen has to choose between being trapped away from his home forever, or making a vow to someone he's only known for a handful of months that could merely become a ticking time bomb for his own safety.
...]
Have you talked to her about this?
no subject
No. She’s stubborn, and we don’t exactly see eye to eye.
[He hasn’t bothered to hassle her since she killed him, really.]
no subject
He adjust his seating to slide himself next to where Owen has stretched out, a careful raise of his hand to lift against Owen's face, to run his knuckles against the skin.]
We'll figure out a way, then. Maybe we can talk some sense into her. If she was powerful enough to bring us all her and strip us of everything, then... maybe she can offer other things, as well.
It's not like I'm going anywhere, either. She can be as stubborn as she wants.
no subject
Maybe. The thought of sucking up to her makes me want to throw up.
[On the other hand…]
Maybe she’ll get tired and kick us out.
no subject
[smash cut to otegine a week later, laugh track ensues
He slips his arm against Owen's back as the wizard leans against him, letting his hand card against his hair.]
Mn... That might take a while. I'd rather not see you die again, if we can help it.