crescentview | 🍁🎑🦋 Bug Eater Farm: Autumn Catch-all 🦋🎑🍁

[ Trahearne turns when he hears the door opening, as though on cue. Phantom might not have answered his question, but the circumstances of the world around him do instead. Tension evaporates from his shoulders when he sees Kaspar, and a little guilt tugs at him knowing the disheveled appearance means he's been hard at work farming. That was what he was supposed to be doing. And what had he done instead?

Wordlessly, his arms shift, and Phantom jumps down to find another place to rest. Trahearne steps forward to take the offer for a hug, at once glad and relieved that Kaspar can understand him with little to no words, or prompting.

He doesn't know if Kaspar had seen Syrlya's anger towards him at the auction, but he feels like his housemate is a safe third party for him to speak with regardless.

There are other things that need addressing, though. More specifically, that he had not eaten since lunch the day before. ]

I would like that.

[ Kaspar envelopes him in his usual warmth, holding for a long moment. Until his own hunger claws at him, loosening his grip and sliding his hands to seek the sides of his neck; soothing circles of his thumb and an expression that says more to understanding than Kaspar thinks he could ever give voice to. He lingers a moment more in comfort, then turns away towards the kitchen.

Pancakes. Whatever Trahearne chooses must often. Easier to make, now that Kaspar has largely figured out the new changes to the landscape of their kitchen. If not by design then by his own trials and errors. If his roommate follows, Kaspar will not leave him without a bowl to stir. ]

[ The comforting gesture is enough--Trahearne's expression eases considerably, and though he does not smile, the gratitude is evident on his face nonetheless. Gratitude that he lives with someone so understanding, so patient.

He is not one to miss out helping with breakfast, though. He follows close behind into their refurbished kitchen, takes whatever task Kaspar gives him, and goes about it with a practiced hand.

And after a moment of quiet concentration, Trahearne finally speaks up. ]

Did you remain until the end of the auction?

[ Kaspar finishes whatever it is that he's doing, a beat or two, before responding. Trahearne is at least, the easiest person to be honest to. But he is still a little unsure if he means the appeals too. Just the bidding though? He doesn't bother trying to parse it that deeply. ]

... Nearly.

[ Trahearne doesn't even know there was an appeal phase at the end, so it's lucky that Kaspar takes the question at face value.

His stirring hand pauses when he looks up at his housemate. ]

Did you make any bids?

[ Kaspar's expression drifts away when he turns to retrieve the bowl from Trahearne and hand him another.

But he pauses. He nods, his brows knitting before he turns back to the stove. ]

[ Trahearne takes the bowl, but doesn't start with it. He only watches Kaspar for another few silent moments.

His voice is quiet when he asks: ]

Did it not go as you'd hoped?

[ Kaspar keeps working, pulling plates and keeping his back turned. His posture is calm, only the subtlest of tension in the way he moves. He'll find the words, they come easier for Tra, but first there is silence.

He turns to retrieve the bowl, expecting it to be stirred. But he steps close to let him hold it while he takes the spoon to stir himself. Too slowly. A fissure, a hairline crack, barely audible when his voice goes just as quiet as Trahearne's. ]

... In some ways. No.

[ Trahearne's inquisitive stare sits on Kaspar's back, trying to feel out the answer to his question before it comes verbally.

And his intuition was right. His hands dip to grip the bowl as he lets Kaspar stir, eyes studying his housemate's face. ]

I believe that makes two of us.

[ He'd been so sure it was meant to be a fun activity. And now...? Was it supposed to leave such a heavy weight on his chest like this? ]

...What happened, if you don't mind me asking?

[ Kaspar picked up pieces of what happened, but his own drama sucked his attention in. But Trahearne's next words are a direct question, factual, easier to answer than the nebulous state of his emotions.

Still, he answers a little sullenly into the mix. Anger is so rare that Tra has likely never seen its manifestation like this, the coldness seeping in. ]

... I did not like the thought of Bar being forced on a date with a woman.

[ A breath, the dam holding back his swirling words breaking as Kaspar takes the bowl to finish breakfast. Barok and him had that in common, being coerced into dates they had little interest in back home. But now his voice has gone flat and his eyes distant. Trahearne, he trusts with these sour parts of himself, the rare moodiness he does not share with anyone. ]

I wondered. What might the Goddess have in store with all of this effort? That it might be fun. I believed he enjoyed my company the most, that it might have been a night of firsts for us. I trusted him.

[ Kaspar can't find it in him to look Tra in the eyes as he hands him his plate and Feelings twist in his gut. He doesn't clean up more than turning things off before he grabs his own. Without looking, he bypasses their table in favor of slumping onto one side of the couch and staring down at his food. ]

... he showed up cross and bid for himself. Had no interest in my outbidding for him. Or me.

[ There is no humor in the short laugh that follows, too broken and sudden for Kaspar as he sinks down to let his head fall onto the arm rest. The rest of him curls up and he stares blankly at the television. ]

I was fool enough to ask if I may, in front of everyone. He denied me. And to make his point ever clearer, he outbid me on Sylvie too.

[ A pause. ]

I had no one... so, I bid on someone else. And I fear, I now care deeply for them too.

[ This is a new side to him. One that, admittedly, takes Trahearne by surprise. Everyone is capable of anger--this he knows, especially himself. But to see it manifest in someone that has been so patient, so calm, so loving is a bit of a shock. Whatever happened must have been really bad, gotten him really upset.

Trahearne lets the bowl slip from his hands and he simply folds his hand where they sit. He watches Kaspar's face intently and with sympathy, studying this new side of him. He listens quietly, putting the whole of his attention as he speaks.

He can, of course, set aside his own upset, his own disappointment in himself to concentrate on the other.

His eyes never leave him as he takes his plate and follows him to the couch, slowly lowering himself onto the cushion opposite.

And when Kaspar finishes talking, he doesn't even really think about the food in his lap. ]

That was...cruel of him. [ He feels something buzz in his chest on Kaspar's behalf--his own anger. If he were in his right mind he'd march over there and talk to the man right now. ] I'm so sorry, Kaspar. This sounds...complicated. You do not deserve to be treated that way, especially not by someone you clearly think so fondly.

[ There's a brief pause as he clenches his fist, genuinely considering talking to van Zieks about this. ]

Do you have...conflicting feelings, then?

[ Kaspar sighs again, glancing to his food on the side table but not finding it worth the effort of righting himself. He removes the whittling he'd carried around all morning. Tra had likely seen him working on it in his pockets of free time over the preceding weeks. The warm smile he would direct at it when he thought he was alone is gone for now.

In his hand, the figure is a horse's head. Taking shape from dark wood that had reminded him of the color of van Zieks's horse. Adelheid. Holding it, staring at it as he curls further in on himself, his fingers run over the grooves. It softens his hollow tone. ]

... it was not intentional cruelty. I knew he did not write the entry, and would not be pleased over it. Perhaps I, overestimated my worth in his eyes.

[ Kaspar's mouth wobbles, but his eyes are dry. He still can't look at him, and for once he sounds openly miseable. ]

... I do.

[ Trahearne does see the figure, and he does remember it. As observant as he is, it immediately clicks. The buzz tightens in his chest; he leans to put his food on the side table before scooting closer to Kaspar, running a comforting hand up and down his back.

The silence hangs between them for a long moment as Trahearne thinks. Considering the mess he's in, he doesn't think he has much of a right to give his say on the matter, but he can at least feel upset on Kaspar's behalf. He thinks he's allowed that much.

When he finally speaks, there's a quiet fury to his tone. He's trying to keep back his temper. ]

If he does not see your full worth and potential, then perhaps it would be better use of your time to concentrate on the other you bid on. Especially if you care for them just as much.

[ That's his anger talking though. He drops his shoulders, forcibly calming himself down. And maybe Kaspar doesn't want to hear that. ]

Perhaps...you should speak with him, though. Later.

[ Relief is immediate when Trahearne touches his back, as if that alone is enough to ease at least some of the tension on its own. It presses a soft sigh from him as his muscles relax beneath cool fingers and cloth.

Whether Kaspar wants to hear it or not, he does. He tenses beneath the other's hand at the anger in that tone, relaxing again almost as quickly. His actual feelings on that advice, however, are ambiguous in his silence. Kaspar does not move or look away from the figure in his hands for long moments.

But, he eventually rises. Only to lean heavily onto Trahearne with one shoulder, boneless as his head falls back onto the blanket tossed over the back of the couch. Kaspar's grey eyes are surprisingly clear, tired but far less cold, as they settle on Trahearne. ]

... how did you hope yours might go?

[ Trahearne isn't sure if that was the right thing to say--he knows his anger often gets away from him, but it cools when he sees Kaspar's nonresponse. He opens his mouth to say something when his housemate comes to lean on him; he closes his mouth. Amber meets gray as he watches, waiting for Kaspar to settle.

And the question causes the sylvari to wither a little. His shoulders slouch, and his eyes drift down and to the side. ]

I...don't know, to be honest. [ He drops his hand and turns away fully, gaze unfocusing as he stares into space.

After a few moments, he takes a breath and continues. ]

I signed Syrlya up for the auction. I thought he might take it as a fun little surprise, but...he was furious with me. [ He looks at Kaspar, brows drawn up in guilt. ] I feel awful.

I'm sorry, Tra.

[ Kaspar whispers, slowly reaching for him when he looks over. It is an attempt to pull him gently into another hug, to let their worried foreheads rest together while cradled by the back of the couch. Grounding, platonic, but no less deep as Kaspar searches for the words and trusts Trahearne to be patient with him even in his guilt. ]

... that was no mood for him to hear your explanation, was it?

[ Trahearne shakes his head at first--not to deny the pull of the hug, that he falls into quite easily--but to tell Kaspar he has no reason to apologize. He lets the couch catch him, and his eyes fall shut as their foreheads touch, letting the echo of disappointment from yesterday well in his chest again. ]

It was not, no. I...suppose I will have to explain myself once he's cooled off.

[ And he'll give him some space in the meanwhile.

After a beat, his eyes open and settle on Kaspar's. They're conflicted. ]

In hindsight, I realise it was not a good idea, but...I was going to ask him out on a date myself, too.

[ Would he say yes now? After all that? ]

[ Kaspar agrees it is a good idea to let Syr cool off, communicated only by his quiet hum as Trahearne goes on. His eyes remain on the other's, soft and understanding.

But part of him can understand.
He'd be angry himself, if inadvertently sent on a date with someone he cares little for. ]

... will you, apologize first?

Of course.

[ The answer comes readily. He recognizes that this is the first thing he needs to do.

His eyes drop. ]

...Of course. I would be a fool not to.

[ For a moment, he thinks of something else to say, but can't think of anything. He's still tired, still upset, still worn. He gives up; his posture sags into the couch, and his eyes close again.

He just lets all of the negativity and the upset wash over him, and he steeps in his feelings. It isn't really as though he knows what to do with all of this, but he feels comfortable enough around Kaspar to show it. ]

[ Kaspar's posture is already there, accepting Trahearne as he is and as he feels. The negative and the positive, Kaspar holds no judgment in his warm and undemanding embrace.

It takes time, quiet breaths and grey eyes still taking him in, the situation, his knowledge of them, the Pact, their history together. The culmination of it all breaks the silence-- ]

... I believe, you have been through too much together for him not to accept it.

[ But he goes on, quieter and drifting off with his gaze. ]

You both, care too deeply for one another to be broken by something like this.

[ Kaspar, too, is observant in his own way. He's seen the way Trahearne speaks of Syrlya, he's seen the way they interact. He knows this about them, and Trahearne trusts him to speak his mind.

That his assessment is positive brings him relief. Though he doesn't voice it, it's palpable from the way his tension eases. ]

I would like to think so, too.

[ His voice cracks a little--not from tears, but from exhaustion. The shock is a little raw, still. Maybe he's overreacting. It's hard to tell. ]

Your faith means a lot to me, Kaspar.

[ Kaspar goes quiet again. The peaceful kind that has him pocketing the figure blindly to reach up and gently adjust Trahearne's leaves affectionately. He doesn't know what to say to that. Appreciation swells from a love that is nebulous and hard to label. It fills his chest with warmth. The solid kind that doesn't flutter or make his heart race. He can't articulate it. Perhaps the love he'd always sought from any of his brothers.

Eventually, snuggled close, Kaspar whispers calmly. There is no worry on his phrasing, trusting his friend to understand what he means again. ]

... I will always have faith in you. Your happiness matters to me.

[ Kaspar shifts to kiss his forehead chastely before retreating far enough to remind him with a soft and caring smile-- ]

You should eat.

Edited (I can spell. Sometimes.) 2023-02-07 00:37 (UTC)

[ The leaves on Trahearne's head bounce back stubbornly, as they always do. Trahearne himself, however, understands the gesture, and he appreciates it, his tension easing with Kaspar's gentle touch. Once again he feels indescribably lucky to be sharing a farm with someone like him; the fondness he feels for Kaspar is unique, familial. He wonders if he would have felt this way about his firstborn siblings if he'd spent more time at home with them. If he was not so concerned about being the first or the eldest.

His soft reassurance, the kiss to the forehead brings a smile to Trahearne's face. He's still too emotionally raw to be convinced that things--all the things he has been worried about--will be fine, but it's enough to ignite a little flame of confidence in him.

At Kaspar's prompting, he sits up in his seat and reaches for his plate again. As his hand moves to feed himself, he pauses again to look at him. ]

Your happiness is important to me, too, Kaspar. I hope you find some at the end of this. [ He hopes they both do, but Kaspar is especially hurt, it seems. ] Know that I am always here for you.

[ Kaspar sinks back against the couch in Trahearne's absence, gaze following him until the weight of his eyelids becomes too much. They fall closed by the time Trahearne looks back to him. The reassurances sink in beneath skin and sinew, settling near the constant hum of his light soul. His body, slightly curled in without someone to hold, goes lax with a relieved sigh.

He is just awake enough for a parting hum into the soft blanket over the couch, unusally messy curls fanned out. Kaspar's expression too, loses all tension as his breath goes even. Finally, sleep comes easy after so many hours. ]

Edited 2023-02-07 19:34 (UTC)

[ Trahearne smiles when he sees Kaspar giving in to sleep. That's good.

He leisurely finishes his breakfast, the loud thoughts of the dawn now nothing more than a subdued noise. When he's done eating, he puts his plates and the cooking bowls away quietly, careful not to wake his housemate.

He makes a detour to the bedroom to retrieve his own blanket. He unfolds it and gently lays it over Kaspar. He has a feeling he's going to be dozing there for a long while. With a gentle hand to his head, he murmurs, ] Rest well.

[ And with that, he leaves the house again, going to pick up the slack on the morning farm chores he'd so sorely neglected. And to do whatever Kaspar did not finish. ]

🍁🎑🦋 Bug Eater Farm: Autumn Catch-all 🦋🎑🍁

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