CATCHALL ⬦ 欲买桂花同载酒

[lapidation]

WHO: Zhongli and anyone!
WHAT: my catchall...
WHEN: forever
WHERE: this island imagine if he goes to sea and drowns
WARNINGS: will add when anything comes up; ALCOHOL
ETC: feel free to plot with me! my bingo is here and you can reach me via discord (hei#2323) or plurk (aftertaste).

Comments

CLOSED ⬥ UTA

[lapidation]

[ They are at Uta's beach farm, but more on the actual beach shore... Behind the cover of trees, Zhongli waits before coming out to shoot Uta.

With his water gun. It makes a dramatic splash noise. ]

I'm sorry.

[ He says... Oddly anguished over this. ]

[tot]

[ wouldn't it be something if i said that he shot her while she was still wearing her white dress? how dare he do this to her?? but no, she's wearing something far more reasonable for farming at the moment and absolutely screeches when the water hits her.

she'll spin around to see her attacker and completely ignores his apology as well as who has shot her with a water gun. of all people on the island, he is the last person that she would have expected. ]

Hey! What's the big deal? [ and more importantly: ] If you're going to shoot me with that, then that's no fair for me.

[ where is here her chance to return fire, huh?? ]

[lapidation]

[ i can't believe you made zhongli noncon her into a water fight

Well, this was impolite of him. ]

My apologies. I thought you were prepared... Let me procure you a means of retaliation.

[ And here, she gets a water gun, too. ]

[tot]

[ does she look like she would "buy" seven water guns?? she's from the one piece world and the chances of her being weak to water is very high. fortunately she isn't....currently.

and you know, she's not going to ask why he thought she'd be ready but it's fine. she'll casually fill the water gun with some water she had nearby. it was meant for the field but this is also fine. ]

Thank you; at least you know how to play fair.

[ says uta who will waste no time to immediately retaliate and pull the trigger to the water gun while it was still resting more or less at her hip. ]

[lapidation]

[ oh to be in a pirate manga but also be anti-water ]

And you are quick to recover... Quick to obscure your intentions, too.

[ He shoots her again, but this time with two water guns. Yes, he had another on hand. Once that's done, he casually leaves to hide. ]

[tot]

[ sometimes it just be like that. fortunately for the moment uta is pro-water especially as i've rolled poorly as she'll be able to dodge out of the way of one of the guns but get squarely in the face by the other.

this as might as well happen. ]

Hey! Two against one isn't fair!

[ and she'll come chasing after him with her water gun at the ready. where he be? if she catches even the hint of him, she'll take a shot. ]

And it's because I was raised to know when people are trying to pull tricks on you.

[lapidation]

All is fair in war.

[ He's right, even in this small instance of water guns. Zhongli is hiding behind her barn...? It's kind of obvious when he spoke up. It should lead her to him—if he were to stay in place.

There is the sound of rustling, though. Gravel and dirt being sifted about. Does she approach knowing he has TWO guns? ]

[tot]

Is that right? Well then—

[ oh, it is definitely obvious and she'll approach him knowing that he has two guns on him but there is something that she has the advantage of that he might not since this is her farm. of course, uta will go on the opposite side from where she hears his voice and just as she creeps closer she'll shout very loudly into the distance with a little whistle. ]

Luffy! Come!

[ and right on cue, a dog will appear from behind the barn and rush towards zhongli barking at him. he is not an attack dog nor looks like he will attack, but the barking will be nonstop as he gets closer to zhongli to let everyone very clearly know where he is. if zhongli doesn't move from where he stands or defends himself from dog, then he'll start to nip at the ends of his coat. ]

[lapidation]

[ With every intention, he's on the move when he hears her voice draw near, but there is a new obstacle. Invading enemy turf really is rough and he had thought this through, at least to some point.

Not this point.

HElp, lord... Zhongli doesn't have the heart to bat the dog or anything, so he tries to win it over with treats? It's mostly dried meats. Luffy, don't you like jerky? Have that instead of his coat? If it doesn't work, he's going to abandon his coat... She can catch him in the middle of doing that, so it looks so ridiculous for a man like him. ]

[tot]

[ luffy, the actual character, would love jerky and probably take it zhongli's whole hand with the treats. before promptly forgetting what the whole point of this fight was. ...if there was even one to be had. however, this is luffy the dog who is not so easily swayed and will just keep barking at him while ignoring the treats before nipping at the coat.

so, you know, this is how it's going to be. sorry grandpa; you're just going to be caught out in an awkward position. at least dog!luffy isn't out to ruin zhongli's coat. he's just there to be a nuisance and to distract him long enough for uta to get close enough.

and uta will undoubtedly "shoot" at zhongli with the water gun as soon as she is able to get into a decent range. it's nothing merciless, but she will definitely try to get a few good shots in on him while she has the advantage. ]

Good boy, Luffy!

[ a bark in response as dog!luffy will now leave zhongli alone. mostly. no more nipping at his coat, at the very least. ]

[lapidation]

[ You just saying this dog is smarter than actual Luffy which I think is fair from what I remember about One Piece. Anyway, Zhongli gets shot with the water, anticlimactically he looks down to his "wound" before lifting his gaze to acknowledge his murderer. ]

You've trained your dog well with the short amount of time.

[ He gently unwrinkles his coat, but doesn't put it back on. It hangs off of his forearm. ]

I would have been in more trouble if you taught him how to shoot a water gun.

[ Still with a watergun in his hand, he shoots Uta. ]

[tot]

[ as the kind of one piece fan that i am, yes, this is exactly what i'm saying, and i can't believe uta "killed" a man without a single shred of remorse for her actions. not that any kind of feelings of victory are lived for very long as she gets shot again.

she doesn't move out of the way and just takes it like a champ with a yelp causing dog!luffy to bark a few times at zhongli. again, it's just barking and nothing that would imply that he would attack. it takes her a moment before she says anything. ]

I can't take any credit for training him. [ slowly raising her water gun. ] When I found him wandering around my farm, he was instantly attached to me.

[ then just as casually, but swiftly, shoots zhongli. preferably in the face if she can. ]

The only thing I trained him on was teaching his name—if that counts.

[ are they even having a water gun fight at this point or just shooting one another? ]

[lapidation]

[ No, they're definitely just shooting each other now. Zhongli gives Luffy a reassuring look since he knows dogs can only infer intent and emotions, but when he turns to Uta he just gets blasted in the face.

There is a long pause as the water droplets trickle down his face, weighing down his bangs flat. He supposes he deserves this. ]

A good boy, nevertheless. [ Anyway, ] Hopefully, this detour hasn't distracted you from important matters, Uta. I thought to pay your beach farm a visit.

[ And... gun... ]

[tot]

[ uta won't even try to hide her laugh when zhongli just silently takes being shot in the face without any immediate retaliation and waits for him to say anything. he definitely deserves this as much as she will deserve in the future. ...whatever that will end up being. ]

A very good boy!

[ a bark from dog!luffy as he wags his tail and looks up at uta. ]

But not at all. What's more important than meeting with friends and meeting with guests?