a catchall through the end: fall and winter

[bluminescence]

WHO: Kaspar Blumlund + others
WHAT: some ota, some closed. auction date and effects prompts, whatever makes sense to put here
WHEN: throughout February-March
WHERE: varies
WARNINGS: mind the headers


autumn
plotting | event
bug eater farm ic inbox

Comments

[bluminescence]

[ Now he really can't look. His ears have gone a little brighter, glow flickering. ]

... at one time, I imagined, it would be fun, with someone I cared for. Special.

[winebar]

[Special. Him? It's lucky for his dignity that Kaspar isn't looking.]

As-as I said. You did not need the auction for that. I would have offered that if you had asked. I do not understand why that wasn't enough for you.

[bluminescence]

... I know.

[ Another pause. ]

You are always enough, Bar.

... We both have many new things yet to experience. I believed, some of them together. Forgive me, my ignorance.

[winebar]

[He knows Kaspar is trying to be kind. But he's stressed out by this whole situation, so he snaps, reflexively.]

I wasn't even enough to do justice by my own brother!
[Wasn't enough to save Gregson, to stop Genshin's name from being sullied, enough to see through the way he was being manipulated, enough to save the victims of the Reaper, enough to be trusted with the knowledge of the truth.]

After all this time all I know how to do is keep people away from me, as I've now done to you as well.

[bluminescence]

[ Kaspar rises at the tone, feet guiding him swiftly on feeling alone to reach for van Zieks. To pull him in regardless of weak enough resistance. He will not force him, but he will not let reflexive avoidance stop him from embracing him either.

He has unlocked Kaspar's serious voice, thick in the moment. ]

I am still here.

[winebar]

[He definitely gets that reflexive avoidance, an almost instinctive urge to reject this kindness. Isn't Kaspar mad at him?? He shouldn't-

But he is. He relaxes, slightly, tension holding him back from breaking down and sinking into that hold completely; tension that is generated from the ugly voice in the back of his brain reminding him he doesn't deserve this.]

... I hardly understand why.

[bluminescence]

Because I care about you, cross or not.

[ Kaspar isn't shy about using his strength here to hold the other man against him. ]

...do you believe my affections so easily ended?

[winebar]

[Very attractive of him to be very strong.]

My behavior has alienated me from everyone else in my life, I assumed it was only a matter of time.
[But then... he'd thought such of Gregson, but that photo he'd kept on his desk...]

... Part of me felt your affections were too good to be true, I think.
[Kaspar really has only the one minor flaw of being too softspoken, otherwise he's perfect??]

[bluminescence]

[ Kaspar sighs against him, relaxing with a hand sliding to his hair. He hadn't thought pressing this close through first. Now that the urgency ebbs, Kaspar is still overly warm, melting slightly into him despite himself. ]

... I do not know what I am doing.

But my feelings for you have, persisted.

[ Kaspar's grip tightens, fingers curling. ] Should they end, would we not still have... friendship?

[winebar]

[Kas's previous comment had suggested this was the case, having it said plainly still catches van Zieks off guard.]

I-Yes of course, but... you...
[It's hard to really get out of sorts when Kaspar is holding him like this. He almost gets lost in it for a moment but then forces himself to gently push Kaspar away, just enough to look him in the eyes properly.]

But if that's the case, then... would it not still be possible for me to ask to take you on a date?
[It is clearly taking all of his wherewithal to say that plainly and not immediately look away from him.]

[bluminescence]

[ Kaspar doesn't fight the gentle push, but he does not release him if he isn't forced into it. ]

Ask me again, after tonight.

[ He answers honestly, but goes on without looking away from him. Half lidded eyes, cloudy fondness in their light blue glow, are hard to read. ]

Neither of our bids were lightly made. No matter what you believe of my convictions.

[ That comment had hurt too, he doesn't try to hide it. ]