( summer catch-all! )

🍓 WHO: Amber & you!
🍓 WHAT: Open prompts & Catch-all
🍓 WHEN: Summer
🍓 WHERE: All over!
🍓 WARNINGS: Might get smutty! Will add warnings as they pop up.

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outrider amber!

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( although she anticipated confirmation of this, it doesn't make it any easier to digest. the outrider feels an intense cocktail of emotions burn through her - betrayal over his true identity, shame at herself for sleeping with him, and anger at the circumstances that lead to her not knowing.

she's dealt with fatui nonsense before. she's worked tirelessly in her one-woman platoon to contribute to investigations. her discovery of fatui devices around mond ultimately lead to Collei's liberation. yet, why is the intelligence held from her? she's worked all her life to protect and serve the people of Mond. if something like this can happen ... what worth does she have?

it's a revelation that certainly opens a few wounds for Amber. but right now, the hurt and betrayal she feels stings prominently above the rest. he was so charming, charismatic and kind - he fed her, and maybe she entertained the idea of dating someone like him. maybe she had worth after all.

her knuckles whiten as she grips tighter on the mug of coffee in her hands, with her long locks of brown hair shielding her eyes which are usually so animated and bright. stiffly, she responds only with two words: )

I see. ( she just ... needs a moment to digest this. )

[He'll give her that moment and several more, letting the silence drag on into something weighty, prolonged, until it's become too heavy to let sit any longer.

No doubt Amber is blaming herself for not knowing. No doubt she must have thought him a good, kind person, just as he presents himself as to the outside world. The truth is that even Fatui have dreams and goals and families to protect, the only thing separating them from us being the side of the fence they fall on.

Sobering as the thought is, it's one that hadn't fully sunken in until coming here— until he met the guy, until he come to understand him on a level Diluc had never wanted to. Amber might've come to know him even better.

It's with that thought that he leans in, rests his hand atop hers and squeezes it gently. His tone takes on a similar gentleness, but it isn't too soft. This is Diluc, after all— he won't leave the reality out of his words.]

What's done is done, Amber. It isn't reasonable to hold yourself to account for not knowing a truth he'd kept from you. What's more... I ought to apologize. Had I known you would encounter him when you did, I would have warned you. I'm sorry I didn't do so in time.

( the silence held between them feels heavy, and yet Amber can't quite find the words that she wants to say from the thoughts whirling around in her head. her brow stiffens into a frown as she rubs her temples, a deep sigh drifting from the breath held within her lungs. but when Diluc apologises to her like that, she feels ready to break the silence - to help him lose those feelings, if anything else. )

Don't blame yourself for this, Diluc. You couldn't have known that he would've charmed me. But If anyone's to blame here, it's me.

( she firmly grips the edge of her coffee cup. )

Why didn't I know? I've done so much investment scouting to gather Fatui intelligence for the Knights. I almost lost my life to one of their devices while trying to get answers on why Collei was injected with Archon residue. Yet despite these successes, am I still looked down on as a mere rookie if information like this is held from me? Knowing who the harbingers are would help me out a lot while on the field ... I watch over Mond like an eagle. I'm the Crimson Knight, so ... ( she grits her teeth. )

So why ... do I still feel so worthless?

[Diluc's answer comes swiftly, and it's not with any intent to judge Amber that his tone takes on a harsher edge. How could he judge her for something outside of her control? How could he when it's hardly Amber's fault that valuable intel was kept out of her hands?]

I doubt the Knights have as much information as they claim to, for one thing.

[And Diluc is in the unique position to not only assert that information but to back it up with facts. Exhaling a long, thin breath, he locks eyes with Amber.]

Do you want to know why I know this?

[She may know what he's alluding to here, might've heard the rumors about someone storming Fatui strongholds, but Amber has had enough truths withheld from her. He'll tell her something only the two of them will know because she's more than earned that right.]

( the seriousness in his tone doesn't go unnoticed, and weirdly enough, it reassures her somehow. she had been shouldering the blame on her own abilities and not being strong enough thanks to insecurities drilled into her from her early years in the knights.

but whatever Diluc has to say, no matter how difficult it is to swallow, she's prepared to listen by meeting his own striking gaze with one of her own. )

I do. ( she affirms, furrowing her brow. )

[Wandering the wilds for three good years destroying Fatui strongholds wherever he could find them was quite illuminating, certainly much more so than anything he learned as a knight. Setting back in his chair, Diluc crosses his arms tightly over his chest. He trusts Amber with this information, so there's little hesitance in his tone when delivering it.]

You're aware that I left Mondstadt for several years after quitting the Knights. It was the Fatui who were responsible for killing my father, but none of the people who knew why were willing to share their information with me. Even I, a Cavalry Captain, was not fit to know this information.

[So the Knights decided, but not telling Diluc turned out to be a severe mistake. He goes on, the intensity of his gaze only growing more severe.]

I spent those three years away storming Fatui strongholds and shaking the answers out of every piece of scum I could find, and while I learned more about the dealings of the Fatui than I possibly could have through the Knights, I'm no closer to discovering the truth of what happened to Father. Regardless, that just goes to show how unwilling they are to trust those capable of enacting change with the truth.

( her warm golden eyes remain fixed on him as he explains, listening intently. it's a tough pill for her to swallow that more evidence of incompetence exists within some ranks of the knights, but could she expect anything else at this point? after everything that both herself and Diluc went through, it comes as no real surprise - but it's never easy to digest.

this entire ordeal that Diluc has described rocks her down to the very core, because these are the exact sorts of fantasies that she would have about trying to track down her grandfather. not that any fatui involvement was something she suspected or anything, but, like Diluc, she craves answers. oftentimes, she worries that she isn't doing enough.

her heart swells with admiration for him, with Amber leaning forward to deliver her response. )

... This stays between us. I promise I'll keep your secret safe. Just, wow, Diluc ... ( she fidgets with her fingers. ) I'm almost at a loss for words.

( she takes in a deep, steady breath. )

You are one of the bravest people I've ever met in my life. I hope you understand this. And while you haven't found the answers you're looking for yet, I can't begin to tell how much I admire you for heading out in pursuit of that. How much courage it's taken you ...

( she really does feel as though she's looking in a mirror, sometimes. while she deals with her own frustrations for her absent guardian differently to him, she knows that every battle he fought would've come from a place of desperation. that's an emotion she knows all too well. )

... Thank you for telling me this. It's given me a great amount of comfort, but I feel so much empathy for you as well. ( she tenses her outstretched hands. ) That burning, relentless frustration of wanting answers but having nothing ... you aren't alone in feeling that.

[Reflecting back on the trajectory his life has taken is painful, in a way, like tearing open an old scar. The only thing mitigating the ache is Amber's understanding and the lack of judgment that comes with her response. Diluc has certainly judged himself for his actions quite a bit over the years, but knowing that Amber understands keeps that wellspring of guilt within him from bubbling up and spilling over.

Silent as she speaks, Diluc slowly nods.]

It's a shame that you understand the feeling as keenly as I do... but it's good knowing that I'm not alone. Father's death was an isolating thing. His passing made it all too apparent who in this world was truly there for me— and just how many weren't.

[But turning to look up at Amber, there's a lightness in his gaze, a flame that burns deeply within it.]

But now, I can count you among the few I can rely upon. I need you to know how invaluable that is to me, Amber. In return, I hope you can look to me as a source of strength as well.

( She feels the same way as he does. Like it's tearing an old scar open. While the circumstances of her Grandfather's disappearance is still a mystery to her, it doesn't hide the fact that sometimes she can lose herself deep in worry as to what has happened to him. Is he safe? Is he still alive? Those thoughts haunt her. While not as impactful as a death, not knowing feels just as dreadful. Especially for a man of his vulnerability and age.

Her glassy gaze meet his - and her arms reach out across the table to take his hands. )

Of course. ( She's so glad he can consider her a source of strength. She feels the same. ) Please know this, Diluc ... I don't know what is going to happen after our experiences here, but I will always look out for you. No matter where we go, or what happens, you'll be in my heart ... ( Her breath catches in her throat - and she looks dazed, like she's going to cry. )

I know the Amber back in Mond ... even if she hasn't spoken to you about this just yet, she's thinking of you every day ... she ... ( Amber's dark lashes flutter as she spills tears from her eyes - which land on the table when she tips her head forward. Ugh, she's never been this emotional or vulnerable around anyone before ... not in such a long time. It's cathartic - but also incredibly embarrassing. )

Sorry, ( She whimpers, sniffling while drying her tears with her sleeves. ) I guess bursting into tears around you is just a trend of mine in this place ...

( It's a bit of a lighthearted comment, but serious nonetheless. The woman tries very hard to steady her breathing. )

I still feel so scared not knowing what happened to my Grandfather. I have fears that he's dead, lost, or even worse - that he truly did abandon me. I never know what action to take ... but it fills me with so much grief that it takes my breath away. Being alone like this, it's just ... it's horrible. ( Amber tries not to think about the possibility of him abandoning her too often, since she knows that she was a troublesome child. The guilt she feels that he may have left because of her is so intense. Almost too intense to bear. )

[Ah... He's sees the embarrassment, the vexation, and Diluc holds Amber's hands tightly so that he might ward off some of those negative feelings. She's been holding these feelings back much too long, hasn't she? Now she has someone to share the weight of those burdens, if nothing else.

Ah, but he's also quite good for drying tears, he's come to find, reclaiming a hand to thumb along the hollows beneath each eye. No matter how many tears fall, Diluc will wipe away them all. This is the least he can do.]

...There's no need to feel so alone anymore. Now you know that you can turn to me in your time of need— no, that you should turn to me. I'm not above meddling, you know.

[It's thin, slight, but Diluc smiles.]

Why don't we sit someplace more comfortable? If it will ease your mind, I've got time to burn. Perhaps we could watch one of those "movies" and get our minds off the things outside of our control, at least for the time being.

... Thank you, Diluc. ( Sniff. ) Thank you so much.

( She has been holding these feelings for so long. And while it might be a little bit embarrassing for her to cry in front of Diluc like this (several times at this point!) - there's a great sense of trust in the expereince. Amber is a tough girl who rarely lets herself show any cracks or weaknesses, even when people belittle her, she puts on a brave face and ignores it. For her to cry with such ease in front of him with such ease demonstrates just how much she trusts him.

Amber can't help but smile when he collects every tear pouring from her brilliant golden eyes, which calms her more than she can say. Perhaps in another life, she wishes that her and Diluc could've been together. He really would make an amazing husband. (But little does she know--) )

Really? Thank you ... that's so kind of you to offer. I'd love to spend more time with you. ( She'll guide them from the kitchen into the living room, where they can snuggle up together on the sofa. But not before Diluc rummages through the cassette box to find a "movie", and Amber can't stop herself from giggling fondly at his frustrations. Why is he so precious? God she absolutely adores this man.

They manage to get it working, and something farmcore like Babe is probably the cassette that they've managed to play. Amber grabs the patchwork blanket to bury them both under, while she leans on his arm and cuddles up to him. They can make silly commentary on the "movie" together, and before long, she'll be smiling and laughing again. )

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( summer catch-all! )

outrider amber!

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we can wrap it here if u like!!