crescentview | 🌸 be not defeated by the rain 🌸

[It's not quite the same, but his words remind him of Cain, just for a moment. How many times have we had this conversation? Can't we actually have a productive talk for once? Why not let people in, for once, even though doing so will make you vulnerable and being vulnerable means you're making yourself weak? Why should be put himself in that kind of danger? He's not that much of a fool.

Self-reflection has never been Owen's strong suit, but he's never had to worry about it before. He was content to be the scary Northern wizards of people's nightmares, and he didn't enjoy it being questioned, and he certainly doesn't enjoy himself questioning his actions. Why can't he just keep things the way they've always been? It's stupid to assume everyone will see him the same way as the humans and wizards back home, with no preconceived notions of wizards and no idea of what he's capable of, but... still, it's annoying, and it's gotten to this point where he even doubts himself.

Maybe he isn't just the wizard everyone thinks he is, himself included, but that doesn't seem right. He would be nothing if he wasn't himself.

Still, he listens to Otegine talk about his friend, a frown on his face. It... does sound familiar, in a way. Everyone assumes the worst, so why not be the worst? Like with Nicholas or with Cerberus and Cain, taking responsibility for things he had no control is and trying to own it, make it a big deal, brag about it when he was as lost as everyone else. If not even more lost, in some respects. He hates that it sounds familiar, and that the empty place in his chest is twisting even when it shouldn't.]

...I don't know what you are.

[He doesn't address anything else, but he listened. He just... doesn't know what to say, doesn't know how to process that feeling of being perceived into something he can actually acknowledge or refute, so he focuses on what he actually can say.]

You're not human, but you're not a wizard, either. There's so many things you could be, even beyond what I'm familiar with. You could be something beyond the fae, spirits, and magical beasts that exist in my world, but you seem like something that was changed from whatever you were originally. You said you were made, didn't you?

[Again, not quite what Otegine said and maybe not what he meant, exactly, but it seems fitting enough. It wouldn't surprise Owen if there were places where sentient beings could be created by someone else.]

[To hear him speak it so plainly intimidates the Touken. Owen was an awful lot of talk without much bravado to show for it, but it's the tone he takes now - sharp, observant, convicted - that makes Otegine truly believe there's something different here. It's not a plain man asking a question, it's someone deliberately scrutinizing.

Perhaps if Tsurumaru or Mikazuki were here, they'd take great joy in a task like this. Otegine, though? He's always been a little too earnest for his own good.]

I mean, yeah. I guess that's what I said. Most things are made. So was I.

[He opens his mouth, as though to just continue the thought... and then closes it, for once seeing an opportunity.]

Does it matter? [He holds the silence, a little longer than he should, before continuing.]

You just want to know why I don't think I can be romantic or sexual, right? [A beat, looking at his hands.] Love I know. I know it really well. Just... not the way this place or this goddess of ours wants. And the rest...

Well. Weapons aren't really made to do that. Neither are their spirits.

Edited 2023-02-07 04:19 (UTC)

A weapon’s spirit, huh…

[It’s nothing immediately familiar to him, but it’s not something that entirely surprises him either. Items can be imbued with power, so what’s to say that power can’t lead to something more then that? All of that sentiment, energy, everything else building up and birthing a new existence. If something has enough meaning, of course it could happen.

So it makes sense, even if it’s not something he’s seen before. With the power he’s seen the most mundane items take on just because of the conviction of someone’s heart or proximity of magic, it’s something he could even imagine happening back home. Spirits have to come from somewhere, don’t they?]

Weapons aren’t made to think and feel at all, so can you even classify yourself as just a weapon anymore? You’ve changed, so what you’re capable of doing has changed.

[He picks at the blanket, searching out any loose threads he can make worse.]

…But I think it matters, at least a little bit. You act the way you do and believe what you do because of what you are, don’t you? That doesn’t mean that it keeps you from love, or sex, or anything like that - it just means you don’t see it the same way a human does.

[Or a wizard, but Owen has experienced time and time again how what you are can shape how you see the world. No creature experiences life the same way, and to act like you can completely understand is foolish.

(Which is one of so many reasons humans hold so much contempt for wizards, but that’s irrelevant right now.)]

But if you’re asking if it matters because it will change what I think of you? No. In that way it doesn’t, because you’re still the same person you were before I knew.

[What Otegine was was never what stood out the most about him, even if it explains so much about him.]

Unless you’re going to use this excuse to show your true colors, Otegine. Have you been deceiving me this whole time?

[...

He speaks so much like the saniwa.

It shuts Otegine up with an open look of surprise towards the wizard, letting his words pile up and settle in with alarming weight. That he isn't surprised, or peppering him with questions, or forcing an identity onto him... but just accepting, with an understanding of his lack of humanity that no one on the island had quite been able to place with such precision, let alone so quickly. And to still call him out, to challenge his thinking without challenging his identity...

It leaves him dumbfounded and staring, longer than he probably should. When Owen finally resorts to teasing, the brunette's eyes whip away immediately with a sputter.]

I... n-no! No, that wasn't my intent.

Just because I don't talk about what I am doesn't mean I have to stop being genuine. I... don't think I'd enjoy making things up like that. Wouldn't be much good at it, either.

...

...

[His hands wring together with a firm exhale.]

Are you okay that I think the same of you, then? As a wizard?

Edited 2023-02-08 13:43 (UTC)

[The staring is almost - almost - enough to make Owen uncomfortable. It's not like the disdain or fear he sees from most people, and he has no idea what it is about what he's said that has Otegine looking at him like that. Why does it make it feel like he's the one being exposed, here? Like this has somehow opened up something he hadn't realized was being closed, and the way Otegine responds to the jab doesn't... help.

Confusing. It's all just awful and confusing. This is the worst. He hates this. This all makes him feel weak and miserable in a way he wasn't expecting and a way it shouldn't, but it's... compromising. It's compromising in a way few things have been before, and he knows his heart is conflicted. It shouldn't be, because he knows he's better off alone and that he doesn't need anyone in his life and that he doesn't even want anyone in it, but.

But.

But he's here now, on Otegine's couch, feeling like something has been chipped away and not even sure what that something is or how to cover up the hole left behind, all from such a stupid and pointless conversation.

He takes a moment to organize his thoughts, the smirk on his face hopefully convincing enough.]

It's almost novel, even if it's also infuriating. You'll never see me as an evil Northern wizard, so I guess I'll just have to get used to that.

[Hah.]

Maybe it'll feel refreshing after a while, coming from someone like you.

[...

His chest tightens, unsure of whether to feel touched or offended or a little of both. Mm. Maybe he should just get used to that.]

It's like I said. Right now, anyway... you're just Owen. Owen might be a wizard, and he might have a past, and he might have a tongue that's a little too sharp for his own good and might know a world that's pretty different. But... you're still Owen.

If you're not going to question me for what I am, I don't have any reason to do the same. You... annoy me sometimes, sure, and I can't promise I'll ever really understand how you've experienced the world, but...

[His glance over towards the wizard is cautious.]

Just as you are... I don't hate you, either. For what it's worth.

[A beat, and he attempt a half-smile of his own,though it's weighed a bit by fatigue.] Just ask next time you actually want something, okay?

Edited 2023-02-08 22:02 (UTC)

[Owen looks away at that half-smile, as tired as it is, shoulders hunching. Wow. Look at that fire. What a nice fire, Owen almost feels warm, isn't that great. It's so much better to look at then Otegine, because it's not like the fire can look back. This is great. Look at it burn.]

Well, you really shouldn't make promises you can't keep, even if you don't have to worry about them as much.

[Besides, it's unlikely anyone will ever be able to really understand someone who can't even understand themselves.]

...

[Owen falls silent for a moment, before slowly and with uncharacteristic wariness, speaks up again. Or maybe it's nerves, but that's silly. Owen doesn't get nervous, and there's not even anything to be nervous about.]

What if it's another kiss, huh?

[Though... he has to wonder what Otegine even wants from him.]

Hey... it's a big deal for you, right? Maybe I won't remember the best at first, but... I'll try to be careful.

[Could Owen have been pulling his leg about all that? Sure. But having it brought up again, in this more subdued environment... it hammers it home a bit that Owen isn't taking the topic lightly.

A question for another time, perhaps. It's better, he thinks, to just let Owen know he's understood what he's asking.

...

And then the silence breaks.

The timid rise of the question surprises him, a rise of something warm through his limbs. Was... he serious?]

...

...

[Gently:] Yeah. You... you could ask for that.

[His pulse suddenly pounds in his ears. He doesn't understand. The shift in him feels different, almost frightening. But he swallows down the panic of change ]

Would you be okay if I tried this time?

It is.

[It’s why he’ll never be the one to make a promise, and another reason to hold Otegine to the same standards a wizard holds himself to.

Maybe it’s mostly just so he can find something about Otegine to him seem… worse, though, as if that will curb the confusion he inspires in Owen.]

So do your best, or you’ll regret it.

[Well. That is… absolutely not the answer he was expecting, and he thinks he’s several centuries too old to be feeling new things so constantly. The worst part it doesn’t even feel bad, but he that just makes him want it all to stop even more.

Why is this so different? It’s not like Owen hasn’t kissed other people - he’s certainly done more intimate things, so it’s baffling. Kissing hasn’t meant anything before, and he doesn’t see why it would…]

…

[Ah. Ah? Oh…]

Yeah. I’d like that.

[It’s a bad thing he just says the first thing that comes to mind, because that’s more damning then he wants it to be.]

[...

Quietly, he shifts from his seat on the couch, leveraging his weight slightly up onto one bent knee to give him some height. Owen's still all wrapped up, and he's rather not disturb that, so maybe...

...

He swllows hard as he reaches out to place a hand along Owen's jawline, tilting his face up with his thumb.]

...Show me what to do if I mess up. Please.

[His smile is weak, all nerves that have his grip trembling as he leans overtop Owen, the cold of his skin vibrant against the heat of breath as he cautiously takes up the wizard's mouth with his own.

It's clumsy, and he's definitely overthinking it. But the fingers at Owen's jaw still curl in slightly, the kiss lingering enough to remember the taste of it.]

You don't have to be so nervous.

[It's not the best kiss Owen's had in his life - it's awkward and clumsy and exactly what you would expect from someone with absolutely no experience, but there's something about it that's almost charming. Almost, because Owen isn't being charmed, or endeared, and he absolutely isn't going to think about this moment later and wonder what the hell was he thinking and asking himself why he's letting all of this just happen.

Still, any crises about what's happening to him and why he's doing and thinking like this are a problem for future Owen, because present Owen just laughs softly once the kiss ends. It's not the mocking laugh Otegine's more familiar with, tone instead something almost fond.]

See? You did just fine, and the next will be even better.

[Which - will there be a next? Does he want there to be a next? Owen isn't sure he wants to answer that himself, and he's not sure he wants an answer from Otegine even if he knows the spirit would get mad at him for deciding on an answer for him.]

[Color dusts his expression when they withdraw for breath, though Otegine can't quite bring himself to close the distance completely. Of all the things he's expecting from Owen, reassurance is not one of them. His chest aches full with relief, a nervous breath of a laugh against Owen's own.]

You... want another one, then?

I don't mind. I, um... it's not like I'm going to magically be great, but...

[He shrugs shallowly, the grin on his face just a few nerves short of being boyishly cocky. It's... practice. Yknow.]

[Panic, or something not quite but near enough, floods Owen at the look on Otegine’s face. It an attractive face, but that’s precisely the problem with it. He shoves a hand over his face, trying to cover that grin, the tips of his ears going red.]

Absolutely not.

[…]

You’ll let it get to your head.

[Not that Otegine would be worse off with more confidence, and the light flush on his cheeks is probably undermining the scowl.]

[Ack.]

O-okay, okay, hahah! [It's muffled with Owen's hand in his face, though the smile is still evident even as leans back to give the wizard his space again, reaching up to carefully pull that hand away by the wrist.] Some other time, then.

[Would there be another time? He hopes so...]

Who knows, maybe it gave you something on your bingo card for the trouble.

Seems like it’s already gotten to your head.

[Another time? Absolutely not happening. Owen swears it, to himself, with confidence nobody else would believe. It’s more deluding himself, at this point.]

Maybe? I don’t even know what’s on it.

[He says, like it hasn’t been over a month since he got the card.]

Eh? You said next time, right? It's okay. If you want another one... again, you only need to ask.

[It's said simply, as though he doesn't intend to question it further than that.]

...Have you not looked at your card? We've been here for weeks now.

That was before I knew you were going to get that smug look on your face!

[That comes out whinier then he was intending it to, and his face scrunches up.]

Looking at it isn't going to be any help, is it?

[Could he just be forthright about his literacy? Absolutely not.]

Smug?

[...

Oh. Wait a second.

:)]

Are... you mad that I actually liked it?

Edited 2023-02-10 18:27 (UTC)

No.

[Yes.]

Shut up.

[Hate. He is full of hate, not embarrassment or anything else. No thoughts about how this side of Otegine is appealing. None at all.]

Let’s just talk about the bingo cards. You care about them, right?

[He can't help the chuckle that comes out, because oh my god that's... really cute, actually... His chin rests against one hand, tiltling his head to get a look at how Owen's expression sours.]

No, no, you absolutely are.

It's okay. Maybe that just means I gotta make it up to you.

[His grin is just borderline cheeky now. Heheheheh.]

Anyway.

I mean, I care enough that I don't want to just stay in squalor or anything. A lot of this stuff is really simple, and she's fine at giving us better amenities if we can manage it.

...

Did you really never read that pamphlet you ripped up all over the place the first day?

Yeah? And how are you going to do that, exactly?

[He’s going to expect a lot in repayment, even if he’s been way more terrible then Otegine’s teasing could ever hope to be.

Which. If he gets any more teasing, he really might just walk out into the hurricane with no pants on.]

I couldn’t even if I wanted to, but I’m sure it was all pointless drivel anyways.

I dunno. Maybe just make sure I'm better next time you ask me for a kiss? Kiss other places? [You know, practical things.

But more importantly:]

...You couldn't? But I thought everybody could read it... [Did the language magic just... break, or something? How does that even work...]

Do you have your card on you?

[Is that practical??? Is it?? Does he - he absolutely has no idea how that could be construed. He can’t. It’s impossible.]

Other places. Right.

[He is just going to shove that thought into a deep, dark corner and not think about Otegine’s mouth anymore. Or at least not for the rest of the night.]

…I can get it.

[And just like that, his suitcase appears in front of open, unfastening itself and opening to reveal a rather normal interior. He doesn’t have a lot in it at the moment, so it doesn’t take a lot of time to find the bingo card in it. At least the grid makes it easy to know what it is…

He holds it out.]

Here it is. Look at it all you want.

[The suitcase from nowhere is a little surprising, but he can accept it. He usually can manifest his own weapon in certain circumstances, sonit's not like it's impossible.

He carefully slides to his feet with Owen's card, just long enough to pluck his up from the mantle of the fireplace where it had been set out to dry. Normally he'd just fold it up inside one of his pockets, but rain sure was fun for paper.

He'll drop down to the floor in front of the couch with a huff, spreading both cards flat. Each only have a couple marked off.]

I mean, the goddess has stamped it, so you've finished a couple, but... unless you can see something I'm missing, I don't see a square mentioning a kiss on yours.

[He does, however, color a bit looking at a couple of Owen's spaces, instead scanning his own card...]

...O-oi, wait, this should count. [He points to one of his own. Too bad Owen can't read it.] What, did the goddess think I did a bad job or something??

Edited 2023-02-10 22:50 (UTC)

[Why is he going red?]

Do you see something you like, Otegine?

[Light and teasing, even if he has honestly no idea why he would even be blushing right now. This is just as annoying as he thought it would be, but at least he’s hopefully annoying in return.

He leans forward, but getting a better look doesn’t make what he’s pointing at any clearer.]

Maybe you did. Poor little spirit can’t do that right.

[What is it. Help. He’s dying.]

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