a catchall through the end: fall and winter

[bluminescence]

WHO: Kaspar Blumlund + others
WHAT: some ota, some closed. auction date and effects prompts, whatever makes sense to put here
WHEN: throughout February-March
WHERE: varies
WARNINGS: mind the headers


autumn
plotting | event
bug eater farm ic inbox

Comments

[bluminescence]

[ Kaspar catches the other man's reaction from the corner of his glowing eyes. He is still mad, but van Zieks is making it increasingly difficult to stay that way with those honest words fluttering in his stomach.

A little dangerous, but he would never deny he can be selfish. So, his gaze falls like shooting stars onto van Zieks. He is done looking away after such an admission. His voice carries well on the breeze despite his low, steady tone. ]

... and what reason should I have?

[ He clearly knows the answer already. It would be easier to find the words closer, to watch the other man's expression. But at least it's still just the two of them. ]

[winebar]

[Kaspar knows, and van Zieks knows that he knows. But he also knows that being forced to say it himself is punishment for his behavior. So he sighs, and elucidates what he does understand of the situation.]

I was rude to you, I disregarded your feelings in interfering the way I did. I didn't... understand that something like that would mean something to you, but that's no excuse. I was only thinking of myself.

[Which... is what he's used to, since he didn't have anyone else to really have consideration for for most of the last decade.]

[bluminescence]

[ Kaspar relaxes, watching his face through the words more than the words themselves. He is too weak to this, to how well van Zieks articulates it all and the way he carries himself while delivering them. His gaze lingers over his form, obvious from the glow of his eyes. ]

... I only ever wished for the courtesy of not first hearing my rejection in public.

[ Kaspar says it, pointedly, clearly, in his normal speaking volume. He can't quite keep the wounded nature of them out of his tone. Softer, as he looks away-- ]

... Will you join me or return?

[winebar]

I... I would ask you to pray forgive my impertinence in disagreeing, but I did not mean to reject you. Why would you have preferred to buy my company rather than simply requesting it? That is what I still do not understand.

[For right now, he's neither joining nor returning.]

[bluminescence]

[ Kaspar sighs out onto the water, gaze dropping to watch his feet swing out into the dark. ]

It is not a matter of preference... [ Another pause. He can't keep his volume up, but he cant look at him either.]

... I did not like the thought of you being forced on a date with a woman.

When you arrived, your preference was to outbid me into solitude.

[ Don't percieve him outbidding Sylvie. ]

[winebar]

[You ask a prosecuting attorney to not perceive things?.]

... The bidding record was not you simply outbidding miss Amber. How do you explain your subsequent bids?

[HELLO? SIR??]

[bluminescence]

[ Now he really can't look. His ears have gone a little brighter, glow flickering. ]

... at one time, I imagined, it would be fun, with someone I cared for. Special.

[winebar]

[Special. Him? It's lucky for his dignity that Kaspar isn't looking.]

As-as I said. You did not need the auction for that. I would have offered that if you had asked. I do not understand why that wasn't enough for you.

[bluminescence]

... I know.

[ Another pause. ]

You are always enough, Bar.

... We both have many new things yet to experience. I believed, some of them together. Forgive me, my ignorance.

[winebar]

[He knows Kaspar is trying to be kind. But he's stressed out by this whole situation, so he snaps, reflexively.]

I wasn't even enough to do justice by my own brother!
[Wasn't enough to save Gregson, to stop Genshin's name from being sullied, enough to see through the way he was being manipulated, enough to save the victims of the Reaper, enough to be trusted with the knowledge of the truth.]

After all this time all I know how to do is keep people away from me, as I've now done to you as well.

[bluminescence]

[ Kaspar rises at the tone, feet guiding him swiftly on feeling alone to reach for van Zieks. To pull him in regardless of weak enough resistance. He will not force him, but he will not let reflexive avoidance stop him from embracing him either.

He has unlocked Kaspar's serious voice, thick in the moment. ]

I am still here.

[winebar]

[He definitely gets that reflexive avoidance, an almost instinctive urge to reject this kindness. Isn't Kaspar mad at him?? He shouldn't-

But he is. He relaxes, slightly, tension holding him back from breaking down and sinking into that hold completely; tension that is generated from the ugly voice in the back of his brain reminding him he doesn't deserve this.]

... I hardly understand why.

[bluminescence]

Because I care about you, cross or not.

[ Kaspar isn't shy about using his strength here to hold the other man against him. ]

...do you believe my affections so easily ended?

[winebar]

[Very attractive of him to be very strong.]

My behavior has alienated me from everyone else in my life, I assumed it was only a matter of time.
[But then... he'd thought such of Gregson, but that photo he'd kept on his desk...]

... Part of me felt your affections were too good to be true, I think.
[Kaspar really has only the one minor flaw of being too softspoken, otherwise he's perfect??]

[bluminescence]

[ Kaspar sighs against him, relaxing with a hand sliding to his hair. He hadn't thought pressing this close through first. Now that the urgency ebbs, Kaspar is still overly warm, melting slightly into him despite himself. ]

... I do not know what I am doing.

But my feelings for you have, persisted.

[ Kaspar's grip tightens, fingers curling. ] Should they end, would we not still have... friendship?

[winebar]

[Kas's previous comment had suggested this was the case, having it said plainly still catches van Zieks off guard.]

I-Yes of course, but... you...
[It's hard to really get out of sorts when Kaspar is holding him like this. He almost gets lost in it for a moment but then forces himself to gently push Kaspar away, just enough to look him in the eyes properly.]

But if that's the case, then... would it not still be possible for me to ask to take you on a date?
[It is clearly taking all of his wherewithal to say that plainly and not immediately look away from him.]

[bluminescence]

[ Kaspar doesn't fight the gentle push, but he does not release him if he isn't forced into it. ]

Ask me again, after tonight.

[ He answers honestly, but goes on without looking away from him. Half lidded eyes, cloudy fondness in their light blue glow, are hard to read. ]

Neither of our bids were lightly made. No matter what you believe of my convictions.

[ That comment had hurt too, he doesn't try to hide it. ]