crescentview | a catchall through the end: fall and winter

to fly without wings

[ Early in the morning one day, Kaspar finds himself on the beach. In the chillier air, the full swing of autumn lightly flushes his cheeks as he jumps to shift his weight from foot to foot, bare chested with muscles shifting as he stretches. Like the crack of a starting shot, his next jump to a single foot becomes a stride. A transition into a full out run. Full speed, not unlike his usual morning run through the forest or along the beach.

Until he transforms into a horse, large and sturdy, with a cascade of flowers braided into an otherwise flowing tail and mane and sprouting along his back. A brand in the shape of a strange wispy flower darkens the skin on the point of his hip. He doesn't break stride as his form shifts. His swift gallop down the stretch of beach speaks to every bit of strength and grace one would expect of a horse, not even slowed when his whims carry him into the forest. He is going so fast that by the time he sees a person in his way, instinct and experience horseback riding have his back legs digging in as he almost sits. Front legs straight, he slides to a halt kicking up a wave of dirt and rocks.

Later, he does slow to a more polite gait in town or by your farm, even snorting happily in the direction of anyone he knows as he trots past. He'll even spend some time grazing around the island. Strange, it's almost as if this horse is foraging, with that nice pile of finds nearby. Mushrooms, herbs, flowers, whatever might be around. ]

a date on the arco lunar.

spa
[ Kaspar, chest already warmed with feelings that are conflicting, soothing, and exciting all at once beneath the still surface of his posture, finds himself at the spa more than once during the day. A break for a facial, a massage, mostly enjoyed on his own until the prospect of having color put on his nails for the first time calls his attention to the selection of colors. Dressed in blues, whites, and paler golds, he frowns slightly at the small, metallic silver bottle he holds up to his nails. Tilting his head, he can't quite decide if he likes the way it flows with the colors in his outfit. Perhaps white or clear, his gaze says as it wanders. ]

bugffet
[ The buffet is the most impressive display of food he's ever seen. Perhaps not in quantity alone. While the food stalls of the dance were charming and the food delicious, seeing it all in one place like this strikes him into pausing. His gaze drifts just to appreciate the view, the smell of hot food, and the tender ambiance of romance in the air.

Kaspar pauses before most dishes, eyes bright and fixated on whatever it is. Every new one to him inspires awe and curiosity, working his way through sampling the full menu with small portions. He arranges his selections with the care of someone that has no idea what they are putting on their plate in most cases. Kaspar is fearless about trying everything offered at least once. And if he knows you, and sees the same thing on your plate, he might even ask what it's called in a whisper. Of course, if anyone tries any of the dishes from his home he will give them a knowing look. Those are the pale and slimy offerings with simple eyeless fish that look as though they share parentage with a worm. Colorless moss garnishes complete the platter on offer. Only one serving of Groscian food makes it on one of his plates, for nostalgia's sake. And the fish isn't half bad, despite the texture.

Oh, but is that something unique to your world that he hasn't seen on the island? Feel free to warn him about whatever mistake he is about to make. Whether it's something like a large spoonful of wasabi, poisoning himself, or any other consequence his ignorance might feasibly rain down on his head. Or into his stomach. ]

well before midnight
[ Later in the evening well before midnight, when most have drifted off to their rooms instead of wandering, Kaspar sprawls out languidly on a deserted part of the deck. His glowing form, a suite pillow beneath his head and legs dangling off the edge, is hard to miss. After a day spent indulging his senses, his limbs are boneless and his glow is soft and hazy. Loose hair windswept and tousled, the white flower from the beginning of the voyage now behind one ear. Kaspar stays like this for a long time, quiet with eyes half-lidded or closed, depending on the breeze and the view of the sky when he opens them. He flows wherever his whims pull him as he slowly winds a single curl around his finger, occasionally swinging his legs with the rock of the boat.

The sensory adventure of a spa like that, fine food with a fine date, and learning the word aphrodisiac, have swirled exquisitely to tip the scales heavily toward a grand mood. Riding out the very end of a truffle, just enough in his veins to feel warmer and cozier than normal in his own skin, despite the new autumn air. But it still brushes color over his cheeks, easily missed if not for the slightly brighter glow across them.

On the ground staring up at the stars, head cradled by a pilfered pillow and the rest of him by the coat beneath him. If anyone spies Kaspar here, it will take him quite some time to notice or react. But, eventually, he will. Absent a judgmental look greeting him when he glances over, Kaspar will offer a smile and swing his arms to let the momentum carry himself up into a sitting position. Only to let his arms take his weight, hands against the inside of his coat.

If they've talked, he offers more than just that subdued but warm smile before turning his attention back on the sky. They also receive a gesture to join him. ]

wildcard
[ Hit me with anything really, here is my plotting post if you have have any idea/questions/etc first ]

Edited 2023-02-04 21:53 (UTC)

[Being unable to sleep was nothing new for van Zieks. He'd spent enough time poring over documents or even simply restlessly pacing the halls that the lack of sleep was probably the main contributor to his worsening pallor over the years. Between a aimless urge to keep working to make up for some unnameable failure and avoiding the spectres that visited him in his sleep...

Well, it wasn't nearly as hard to sleep in Crescentview. Until his most recent failure, that is. That all said, even if they weren't currently in a weird argument sort of situation, van Zieks would have been loathe to disturb Kaspar as he is in this moment, both figuratively and literally radiant, so clearly content and enjoying himself. All he could serve to do in this moment is to ruin that, and who is he to take that away from Kaspar, especially after what he's already done?

Really, he should turn on his heel and distance himself immediately. Find somewhere else to brood and think again about throwing himself into the sea. But he can't, really. It feels very blatantly like witnessing an angel on earth, thanks to Kaspar's literally glowing features and general personality. To look away feels like blasphemy. To say anything similarly feels like blasphemy, Kaspar extended that hand of friendship to him in an act of undeserved benevolence, and all he did was take advantage of the man's kindness until he'd unsurprisingly made a misstep.

When Kaspar notices him anyway, he can't even find the right words to excuse himself.]

My apologies, I didn't mean to disturb you.
[Since surely that's all he could possibly be doing.]

[ Kaspar's glance is barely that, considering the subject that it grazes. It lingers, thinking for a moment this is a spectre of the longing that haunted the days since the auction, before this night soothed some of the burn.

His little gifts to Zieks's windowsill have ceased since then. Things that made him think of the other man, unsigned gifts; flowers, pressed and fresh, whittlings, and lovely smooth stones. Like a dagger to his heart, he remembers perhaps, those had all been annoyances.

This van Zieks is real. Kaspar can hear it in his words. Day dreams don't touch his skin from so far away with the timbre of their voice. Kaspar's breath catches in subtle surprise at the man that most recently taught him new pains that can twist in his chest. They'd played a dance aboard the ship, perhaps an unintentional one, largely avoiding one another most of the day. Kaspar, holding Steinbeck's hand and van Zieks doing what he wishes from the corner of Kaspar's eyes. He found out van Zieks was on board only after it was too late.

Calm follows surprise as he turns away. Buried hurt, muffled thunder after lightning; obscured in the hum of gentle rain that is his voice when he responds-- ]

... Do your terms allow you to join me?

[ His word choice is far sharper than the warm and inviting way he delivers them. ]

Edited 2023-02-08 06:39 (UTC)

[He's really never going to be allowed to forget that phrasing, is he? If he wasn't used to barbs, he'd have visibly flinched. Even still, it blisters him more than years of unsavory rumors.

Part of him almost wants to say no, half out of pettiness, and half out of not fully trusting Kaspar's ability to not humor his presence out of politeness.]

They may, though I can hardly see why you would want me to.
[He's already ruined Kaspar's good mood, he can tell, even if the tone if his voice hasn't really changed.]

[ Kaspar is quiet for a beat, eyes for the moon. ]

Though... you may no longer enjoy my company, I did not believe you would deny me.

[ Quietly, he considers throwing the horse figure into the sea without his smile wavering. ]

I will not press it.

That-

[Completely throws him off. That's what Kaspar thinks? He had been cross in the moment, but it hadn't been that at all. It could never be that.]

There has been no point in our time here that I didn't desire your company, Kaspar.
[WAIT NO THAT SOUNDS WAY TOO FORWARD THAT SOUNDS ALL WRONG. He clears his throat loudly, taking a few steps closer to Kaspar but still keeping his distance.]

You are the one who should have reason to no longer desire mine.

[ Kaspar catches the other man's reaction from the corner of his glowing eyes. He is still mad, but van Zieks is making it increasingly difficult to stay that way with those honest words fluttering in his stomach.

A little dangerous, but he would never deny he can be selfish. So, his gaze falls like shooting stars onto van Zieks. He is done looking away after such an admission. His voice carries well on the breeze despite his low, steady tone. ]

... and what reason should I have?

[ He clearly knows the answer already. It would be easier to find the words closer, to watch the other man's expression. But at least it's still just the two of them. ]

Edited 2023-02-08 08:38 (UTC)

[Kaspar knows, and van Zieks knows that he knows. But he also knows that being forced to say it himself is punishment for his behavior. So he sighs, and elucidates what he does understand of the situation.]

I was rude to you, I disregarded your feelings in interfering the way I did. I didn't... understand that something like that would mean something to you, but that's no excuse. I was only thinking of myself.

[Which... is what he's used to, since he didn't have anyone else to really have consideration for for most of the last decade.]

[ Kaspar relaxes, watching his face through the words more than the words themselves. He is too weak to this, to how well van Zieks articulates it all and the way he carries himself while delivering them. His gaze lingers over his form, obvious from the glow of his eyes. ]

... I only ever wished for the courtesy of not first hearing my rejection in public.

[ Kaspar says it, pointedly, clearly, in his normal speaking volume. He can't quite keep the wounded nature of them out of his tone. Softer, as he looks away-- ]

... Will you join me or return?

I... I would ask you to pray forgive my impertinence in disagreeing, but I did not mean to reject you. Why would you have preferred to buy my company rather than simply requesting it? That is what I still do not understand.

[For right now, he's neither joining nor returning.]

[ Kaspar sighs out onto the water, gaze dropping to watch his feet swing out into the dark. ]

It is not a matter of preference... [ Another pause. He can't keep his volume up, but he cant look at him either.]

... I did not like the thought of you being forced on a date with a woman.

When you arrived, your preference was to outbid me into solitude.

[ Don't percieve him outbidding Sylvie. ]

[You ask a prosecuting attorney to not perceive things?.]

... The bidding record was not you simply outbidding miss Amber. How do you explain your subsequent bids?

[HELLO? SIR??]

[ Now he really can't look. His ears have gone a little brighter, glow flickering. ]

... at one time, I imagined, it would be fun, with someone I cared for. Special.

[Special. Him? It's lucky for his dignity that Kaspar isn't looking.]

As-as I said. You did not need the auction for that. I would have offered that if you had asked. I do not understand why that wasn't enough for you.

... I know.

[ Another pause. ]

You are always enough, Bar.

... We both have many new things yet to experience. I believed, some of them together. Forgive me, my ignorance.

[He knows Kaspar is trying to be kind. But he's stressed out by this whole situation, so he snaps, reflexively.]

I wasn't even enough to do justice by my own brother!
[Wasn't enough to save Gregson, to stop Genshin's name from being sullied, enough to see through the way he was being manipulated, enough to save the victims of the Reaper, enough to be trusted with the knowledge of the truth.]

After all this time all I know how to do is keep people away from me, as I've now done to you as well.

[ Kaspar rises at the tone, feet guiding him swiftly on feeling alone to reach for van Zieks. To pull him in regardless of weak enough resistance. He will not force him, but he will not let reflexive avoidance stop him from embracing him either.

He has unlocked Kaspar's serious voice, thick in the moment. ]

I am still here.

[He definitely gets that reflexive avoidance, an almost instinctive urge to reject this kindness. Isn't Kaspar mad at him?? He shouldn't-

But he is. He relaxes, slightly, tension holding him back from breaking down and sinking into that hold completely; tension that is generated from the ugly voice in the back of his brain reminding him he doesn't deserve this.]

... I hardly understand why.

Because I care about you, cross or not.

[ Kaspar isn't shy about using his strength here to hold the other man against him. ]

...do you believe my affections so easily ended?

[Very attractive of him to be very strong.]

My behavior has alienated me from everyone else in my life, I assumed it was only a matter of time.
[But then... he'd thought such of Gregson, but that photo he'd kept on his desk...]

... Part of me felt your affections were too good to be true, I think.
[Kaspar really has only the one minor flaw of being too softspoken, otherwise he's perfect??]

[ Kaspar sighs against him, relaxing with a hand sliding to his hair. He hadn't thought pressing this close through first. Now that the urgency ebbs, Kaspar is still overly warm, melting slightly into him despite himself. ]

... I do not know what I am doing.

But my feelings for you have, persisted.

[ Kaspar's grip tightens, fingers curling. ] Should they end, would we not still have... friendship?

[Kas's previous comment had suggested this was the case, having it said plainly still catches van Zieks off guard.]

I-Yes of course, but... you...
[It's hard to really get out of sorts when Kaspar is holding him like this. He almost gets lost in it for a moment but then forces himself to gently push Kaspar away, just enough to look him in the eyes properly.]

But if that's the case, then... would it not still be possible for me to ask to take you on a date?
[It is clearly taking all of his wherewithal to say that plainly and not immediately look away from him.]

[ Kaspar doesn't fight the gentle push, but he does not release him if he isn't forced into it. ]

Ask me again, after tonight.

[ He answers honestly, but goes on without looking away from him. Half lidded eyes, cloudy fondness in their light blue glow, are hard to read. ]

Neither of our bids were lightly made. No matter what you believe of my convictions.

[ That comment had hurt too, he doesn't try to hide it. ]

a catchall through the end: fall and winter

[ autumn ] [ borrowed power + auction date ] [ ota ]

well before midnight

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